it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
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Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
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It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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