He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
