Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
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