dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Randomize
