Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
