I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
