Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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