All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Randomize
