how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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