Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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