so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
