She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
