you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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