well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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