Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
