i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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