I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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