so explain again why im purple
no
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
