My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
