I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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