Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
