I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
