How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
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