No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize
