Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
He? As in you personified your dick?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
