Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Randomize
