when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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