Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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