Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
third nipple confirmed
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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