I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
