The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
she told me i tasted like america
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
