I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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