I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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