He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
