Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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