I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
