Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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