From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
