idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
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