I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
