It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
