So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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