remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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