She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
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There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
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Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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