she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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