Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
