yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize