How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
