There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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