I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
