so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
