yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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