i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
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he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
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Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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