you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
