so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Randomize
