Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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