i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
