dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
