We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Found your dick twin last night
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
