do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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