i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize