I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
