don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
high people should be assigned attendants
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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