I can tuck mytits in my pants
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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