woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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