apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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