In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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