Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
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