does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
