There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
