And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
