mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
she smelled like a LAN party
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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