woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
