Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize