Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize