She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
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It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
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It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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