I just made out with a guy for $7.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
