Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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