I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
