I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
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