I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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