I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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